Games Mothers Play: what the "Mother India "study tells us about a mother's strategies

Shine... and make me shine

(This appeared as an article in The Sunday Express, Nov 18, 07)

Enabling and empowering, coach and companion, event manager and project manager, motherhood has moved beyond protection, nurturance, compassion and selflessness. The child is now a project and a mission, and industriousness, determination, passion and planning are the dominant traits. The seat of motherhood is moving from the heart to the solar plexus, and children today are not just a responsibility but also an opportunity.

Whether she is conscious of it or not, whether she admits it or not, one of the fundamental shifts in motherhood in India in recent times is the fact that children have become a key way by which mothers judge themselves. While earlier it may have been her relationship with her in-laws, her cooking and housekeeping abilities, or the support she lent her husband by looking after the home and freeing him to focus on his work, the climax of her own life is now linked to the peaking of the child’s glory. While earlier her message to her child may have been “be good, be safe”, today it is “shine and make me shine”. This could be academic or in any area of talent that she and her child have together chosen to build. The children too are taking the roti- kapada-makaan for granted and are looking to the mother to give them the head start they need in life and ensure that they remain focused. “Though I will be happy if my son praises my cooking, I will have greater happiness if he gets good marks in his exams… my greater responsibility is to take care of my son’s studies than cooking” says the mother. “If my future turns out to be bright, then my mother will get great happiness...she will get respect in society she will be able to walk around with her head held high,” echoes the child.

And now that she is putting her heart and soul into shaping their destinies, she is demanding credit for the success and acknowledgement for her efforts. “Right from the time my child was born, I have only brought him up. I have devoted my entire life for my child’s growth. I have melted my life into that of my child. I have moulded my child according to what I wanted, hence the child’s future has become this way. 90% of the child’s future achievement is mine,” says the mother. “The full credit of my sister going to UK for her higher studies goes to Mom… she has been running up and down organizing all papers, doing everything herself. If a child gets 100% marks, then 40-70% will be the result of the mother’s efforts” echoes the child.

Children are conscious of the contribution that their mothers make in their current lives by donning the roles of organizer, guide, enforcer, and friend. While there may be the usual squabbles over food, outings and social activities, and the usual temptations of friends, play and television, children do indeed look to their mothers to give them courage, inspiration, help them set and achieve their goals and fill them with a will to win. Mother is both cushion and launch pad, giving new meaning to the famous line “mere paas maa hai”! “For my son to be an IAS officer, both myself and my son will have to put in the efforts. It will happen only if I am after him with all my support. Other wise he will go here and there to enjoy. I will have to ensure that he remains focused through out and is not distracted from this aim,” says the mother. “Because of her mother’s love, she says no… she does not want us to get spoilt, she does not always allow us to do what we want” echoes the child. Though, “itna tenson nahin lene ka” is also something they’d like to say to the mothers, children in fact seem to be defining success in terms of living up to the mother’s expectations.

Changing mother-child relationship: from passive supporter to active visionary and manager
From children as duty to children as a way of realizing her own potential.
From wanting her child to do well to wanting her child to be famous and reach a position of grand power and influence.
From living for the moment to constantly thinking of and shaping the future.
From leaving it to her husband to plan the child’s future to taking it into her own hands and playing a central role.
From just being happy if her child does well to wanting public acknowledgment for her role in it.
From unsureness of what awaits her in her old age to a clear staking of claims to the fruits of success.

Games mothers play: In the effort to best utilize this opportunity she seems to have three key strategies.

One, co-opting the child, creating a shared dream through smart smelling of own dreams for the child or accepting the child’s own desires or reaching a consensus. “I am saying all this for you only”. Of course. But underneath that is “You better do well and make me feel my efforts were worth it.” “What has not been possible for us, children have to achieve, then our names will be well-known…everyone will say look at this person, what her child has done. Children should bring us respect and honor. Though we know that we should not be having hopes in our children, in reality we cannot help having these hopes” says the mother. “After all her effort, if I don’t do well, my mother will say I’m a waste,” echoes the child.

Two, inculcate a deep sense of obligation in the child in order to be able to legitimize future demand for sustenance. “On becoming bigger, children definitely realize how much hard work the mother has put in, how much care mothers have taken in their matters. They will have the realization that they should also in return care for their mothers as much,” says the mother. “She has struggled hard for us and she wants the returns,” echoes the child.

Three, making the child believe that she – and only she - can help him achieve this. If only he listens to her, everything will be all right! In this, whether she will admit it or not, she is distancing the father from this co-creation of destiny. “Like during the exam days, I teach my daughter. I stay up late in the night, may be around 12, to teach her so that we can cover as much as we can. At that time, my husband will be sleeping. Then I get up early in the morning so that my daughter can revise her portions. My husband will still be sleeping at that time. It is the mother who worries that the child is exerting very much for the exam and hence the child must be having healthy food. Husband does not think about these things,” says the mother. “Study is mainly mother’s responsibility. Dad is already having many tensions on the work front” echoes the child. “Fathers say how much ever the child has studied, that is enough. They ask us not to put too much pressure on our children. If fathers have switched on the TV, they will not even switch it off because it is a distraction. They will ask why we are after the children the whole day,” says the mother. “I can enjoy more with my father, not with my mother. My mother thinks more of what is really good for us and is less inclined to agree to various things,” echoes the child. Children seem to feel that mothers do not feel the pressure to win their love by indulging them blindly. Mothers have greater knowledge of their reality and are in a better position to take decisions, and are able to retain their sense of balance better when it comes to judging the merits of their various demands. Mothers exhibit tempered aggression that is a constructive tool in chiseling their future lives. It is a resilient bond with the mother, which can absorb bursts of short-term bitterness. Highly strict or eagerly anxious to indulge, the relationship with fathers is not so multi-textured. Mothers, on the other hand seemingly position fathers as the ultimate authority but the subtle marking of destiny creation as her territory cannot be missed!

Like all behaviourial trends, the mother’s changing worldview is also being driven by some key factors in the environment: the impression that there is a goldmine of opportunities waiting, that merit and hard work can bring glory, that her children belong to a generation that is intellectually sharper and emotionally more mature, and that it is a big bad world out there. She is afraid. Afraid that her children will miss out on the future if she does not take it into her hands – today.

And in doing so, she has redefined mother’s love to mean “tough love” and a steeling of the heart.

This means: an intimate tracking of the child’s activities; retaining control while appearing to be democratic; having adult-like conversations; using emotional elasticity – sometimes accommodative/ sometimes strict, sometimes liberal/ sometimes conservative; cultivating the ability to express love as much by denying as by indulging; as well as balancing immediate happiness with long-term welfare. “Mother is both friend and enemy,” says the mother. “Mother is like popcorn, soft from inside and hard from outside,” echoes the child!

And finally, ensuring the child’s spiritual initiation and pleading with the larger divine force to work in favour of her child – but letting her child know that it is her prayers that is going to do the trick! “We are not always with our children. We cannot go everywhere with them. This is about having indirect presence, influence even when we are not there. Like during exam times, we hope that through our prayers, we can ensure that they never get nervous…that they are able to remember what they have studied,” says the mother. “It’s all because of my mother’s prayers,” echoes the child!
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Employee engagement: What "The Power and the Glory" study tells us

Harness the power of karma yogis
(A version of this appeared as an article in The Economic Times, Nov 16, 07)

Beauty packages for diwali, karva chauth on office terraces, weaving in sports and games into work lives and presence on Second Life… increasingly, employee is consumer and employee delight is part of talent recruitment, training and retention. But is it making any real difference? Are organisations missing the woods for the trees in the search for employee engagement?

A Towers Perrin study in 18 countries (including India), among 90,000 workers reports that only one in five employees were engaged. The study defines engagement as the degree to which workers connect to the company emotionally, are aware of what they need to do to add value, and are willing to take that action. Higher engagement led not only to retention but also increased profits. And, most importantly it was senior managers that drove employee engagement, (not just feel-good HR activities). India, incidentally, emerged the third most engaged country, next to Mexico and Brazil!

So what exactly do leading edge employees in India want? The Power and the Glory, a recent JWT Brand Chakras study on the global Indian, revealed the complete centrality of work is worship. But these new age karma yogis are clear: work is worship, but only at the altar of power, fame and money.

Four very clear desires and demands emerged.

One: Work is an avenue of creativity and innovation, therefore organisational backing of ideas is imperative. This needs to be seen in the light of: a) growing unwillingness to work for others and need to get credit for one’s own work and not give it to the company; and b) a disdain for large organizations even though they work in them, and a belief that individuals and the wisdom of the crowds is faster on the innovation curve.

Two: Work must help to “build my name larger than the organisation”. Careers should provide adequate scope for personal evolution and growth, even while offering monetary rewards. And must, sooner rather than later, bestow a larger-than-life status, leading to social and professional influence and clout.

Three: Work must lead to opportunities to be part of the Indian badge on the world stage. Work is part of their celebration of living, and a keen desire for enriching experiences. So they expect continuous broadening of horizons, skill enhancement, early positions of power and responsibility, and opportunities to ride the crest of technological advances – so that they can evolve a larger world view. Through work, they “want a name for boosting the country’s economy” and satisfy the thirst to play a role in the global impact India is going to have; create jobs, wealth and technology.

Four: Eventually, enriching spiritual and emotional experiences – so that they can “give back”, positively influence others’ destinies and be put on a pedestal. They feel a certain responsibility to make India a better place. Twenty eight year olds are already talking of “going back to my village and doing sericulture”. Or “I’m earning two lakhs a month as a surgeon, so I give free medicines on Sundays at home. My patients say I’m God. I tell them no, but they can put me next to him.”

On his part, his personal strategies are in three large areas. One: invest intellect and energy in work, seize the initiative in any situation, be open minded and adventurous with respect to exploring career opportunities - not letting geographical boundaries or cultural differences come in the way. Two: get spouse and family to buy into his vision of his career; spell out the rewards at stake for them – compensation for not making them the fulcrum of his life. “My wife must actively help and support the search for glory. She is second to career, and she knows it and it is to her advantage, because my success will brings her also greater social respect’. Equally, working women want husbands to “be a source of inspiration” in their own similar quest. Three: cultivate the power of networking by shrewd choice of friends and contacts because “ you never know when they’ll come in handy”.

Underlying all this, are two fundamental shifts in corporate life.

The first is a reduction of distance to the leadership. Psychoanalyst Sudhir Kakar, in his book The Indians, cites the GLOBE (Global Leadership and Organisational Behaviour Effectiveness) study as confirming that “what younger managers in India most dearly wish for is a reduction in the power distance between the leader and the led”. He goes on to draw a curious parallel in the transition of father-son relationships in middle class family life – from the formality and restraint of the authoritative joint family patriarch who struggles to express his love for his children to the more involved playmate of today, available to both sons and daughters.

The second is a greater demand on the leadership for inspiration, collaboration, communication, and nurturing. Again, Sudhir Kakar points out the basic Indian tendency to idealize the leader, avoid realistic evaluations and ignore his weaknesses. But not any more. Young global Indians too are revising their expectations of their leaders. The JWT Brand Chakras study showed that younger people like to use their talent to have a hold on their leaders, while older managers say dealing with younger people is one of their key challenges.

Will Indian senior management move quickly to harness the power of the new age karma yogi? Or absorbed in their own worship, expect mehendi, kickboxing and film screenings to do the trick?

MOTHER INDIA: FROM CHILDREN AS RESPONSIBILITY TO CHILDREN AS OPPORTUNITY

Highlights from a Brand Chakras study
on Mothers and Children:
The insight mining exercise was done in eight centers -
Chennai, Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkatta, Kanpur, Hyderabad, Ahmedabad, Trichur
and covered SEC A, B mothers with children between 8 and 16
through group discussions, and depth interviews with pairs of mothers and their children.

The Indian Mother-and-Child is now a team with a shared vision, with mothers actively believing they can shape their children’s destiny for mutual benefit,Enabling and empowering, coach and companion, event manager and project manager, motherhood has moved beyond protection, nurturance, compassion and selflessness. The child is now a project and a mission, and industriousness, determination, passion and planning are the dominant traits. The children too are taking the roti- kapada-makaan for granted and are looking to the mother to give them the headstart they need in life and ensure that they remain focused.

Other shifts include: from living for the moment to constantly shaping the future; from child’s success to shared glory; and a clear staking of claims on the eligibility for the fruits of success.

Emotional elasticity, reasonable adult-like conversations, retaining locus of control while appearing to be democratic, love that includes toughness and a steeling of the heart, are some of the mother’s strategies.

Children in return are conscious of the contribution that their mothers make in their current lives by donning the roles of organizer, guide, enforcer, and friend. While there may be the usual squabbles over food, outings and social activities, children do indeed look to their mothers to give them courage, inspiration, help them set and achieve their goals and fill them with a will to win. Mother is both cushion and launch pad… giving new meaning to the famous line “mere paas maa hai”!

They seem to be defining success in terms of living up to the mother’s expectations.Though, “itna tenson nahin lene ka” is also something they’d like to say to the mothers!

All mothers showed a strong inclination to Power chakra qualities, but three types of mothers emerged.
The Lifeline Seeker: she has given up hopes of the husband improving their lives and is totally dependant on the child to rise to glorious levels and rescue her; looking for insurance and security, she will do everything she can to help them in this journey, but is clearly establishing her rights to the fruits of this labour.
The Coronation Seeker: she is hoping her child’s achievements will bring her out of a life of oblivion and bestow on her a halo for greater social conquest… the child is an opportunity to make an overwhelming statement about herself.
The Independence Seeker: her striving to excel in the mother role is geared to fostering independence and self-reliance in her child, so that she will have the freedom and space for her own pursuits; motherhood enhances her efficiency and gives her exposure that helps her discover unexplored facets of herself.

The implication for brands is that:
*brands need not necessarily choose between mother or child as target but could talk to the duo;
*must reflect the new sets of motherhood values and attitudes;
*need to find a role in the shared vision and future that they are chasing;
*salute the mother, Maa thujhe salaam for a new set of reasons;
*connect with the philosophy of effort and determination that she is trying to instill;
*focus on the 15 Chakra payoffs that children chose from the battery of 60 fundamental payoffs; *draw from the mothers’ behaviour codes across the seven chakras that the study has identified.

Children want from Mothers:

While the study focused on mothers, it has revealed three types of fathers too – according to the mothers!
The Genuine Partner: who tries to play a synergistic role willingly taking up activities which are beyond the mother’s competence;
The Conveniently Detached: who is taking it easy, capitalizing on the mother’s high involvement and taking up the provider stance to negate criticism of his lack of involvement; and
The Cynically Detached: who disagrees with the approach, perceives the mother as crossing the line and fostering too much dependance, and feels children need a more hands-off approach.

THE POWER AND THE GLORY

Highlights from a Brand Chakras study on Global Indians



For the global Indian, work is clearly worship - at the altar of fame and money - and a stepping stone to playing God, some day soon.


This study found that the global Indian today is largely driven by:* Manipura: the drive for power (solar plexus);* Vishuddha: the voice of creative expression - in search of truth and higher creativity (throat);* Ajna: desire for transcendence - active intelligence (third eye).
The insight mining exercise was done among men and women between 25 and 45 years of age, in Mumbai, Delhi, Chennai, Bangalore, Hyderabad, who are frequently interacting with the world. They included people who have returned to India after stints abroad, as well as Indians currently living abroad. The study also draws from media monitoring and blogging.

• Work is worship*Career is at the heart of life. * Work is an avenue for creativity and innovation * Independence, reduction of distance to the leadership and organizational backing of ideas are important values that companies must offer * There is a driving desire to have the power to take decisions and have people reporting to you * One must build one’s name to be bigger than the company one belongs to * There is growing unwillingness to work for others and need to get credit for one’s own work and not give it to the company * Younger men like the idea of having a hold on their leaders through being a specialist/expert * Dealing with younger, more talented people is one of the challenges for the older people.

• Globalness*It is important to work for an international company * Ambitions must go beyond India. * Through work, they “want a name for boosting the country’s economy”. There is thirst to play a role in the global impact India is going to have; create jobs, wealth and technology * They feel a certain responsibility to make India a better place.• Relationships*All other areas of life stem from success at work and must contribute to the search for glory. * Family respect depends on career success * Wife must actively help and support the search for glory * Men feel wife is second to career, and she knows it and it is to her advantage, because his success brings her greater social respect * Friends and networks are important because “they come in handy”, “you never know who you will need, when” * Friends must help you with your ideas * Women want their spouses to be a source of inspiration.

• Money* Money is a natural consequence of success at work * Money leads to better lifestyle, which again reflects success at work, and feeds back to climbing the social ladder, which is seen as an important part of work life rather than separate * Heightened personal confidence, ability to take risks, broadening of views and fearless expression of views, social and legal insulation, are some of the other payoffs of money * Relaxation is important but also a waste of time, the time is better spent making more money * Money is better spent, leveraged and shown-off in India rather than outside the country.

• Social give-back*Extreme expertise at work and money allows one to transcend to social give-back, which actually makes you feel you are playing god. This benevolence too is a reflection of, and route to, glory.

• Spiritual liberation* It’s the cushion of affluence that will allow and facilitate even spiritual liberation* Experiences * The value of life is now estimated in terms of the quality of experiences one has, and work is central to this too * Work itself is among the possible enriching experiences * Work leads to money, and money makes many new experiences possible – leisure experiences, tech experiences, entrepreneurial adventures as well as (supposedly) noble activities.

• Technology* Increasing familiarity with technology and the fact that more numbers of people are actually involved in creating technology, means that technology products need to talk a different language – and this is not necessarily a marketing language * These workers take great pride in the ability of individuals and like minded groups to create revolutions; there is some disdain for large organizations even as they work in them * They see through organizations and “manufactured” claims very quickly * They demand proof, higher degree of relevance and demonstration of experiences.

• Masculinity* Above all, the global Indian spirit is in fact driving the Indian male’s rediscovery of his masculinity, which was somewhat under question in the light of growing woman power, growing child power, and too much media talk on the feminine side of him.

• Implication for brands
1) Compliment, partner and further the newfound rediscovery of a high level of self worth.
2) Give him a role to play in shaping the brand’s success rather than be passive receivers of brand messages, co-custodian rather than consumer.
3) Stand for more elevated, inspiring, larger life purposes – brands that aim to transform economies, societies and the way individual lives are lived, will find greater relevance than brands that offer transient payoffs or operate in the area of just reflecting his personality, attracting female attention or being a statement of style and achievement.
4) Draw from the 16 hot payoffs that most resonate with this leading edge target group.

Brands - with messages, products, services, activities and associations - should help to: look at life with courage, symbolise their influence over others, partner their goal oriented nature, reflect and reward their highly competitive spirit, make them feel more intelligent than others, bring out their creativity and innovative ideas, encourage them to do things that have not been done before, inspire them with wisdom for a higher level of leadership.

WHAT'S YOUR BRAND'S CHAKRA READING?

First appeared as an article in exchange4media, July 07

HOW INDIA CAN GIVE THE WORLD THE MOST HOLISTIC WAY TO REALIZE A BRAND'S FULL POTENTIAL: DRAWING INSPIRATION FROM A 2,000-YEAR-OLD SYSTEM.

Move over, need states, archetype researches, equity studies. Move over Jung, Haylen, Kapferer! Here comes Patanjali.It has been around for 2,000 years. It's in Chinese medicine. In Tibetan Buddhism. In the Jewish Kabbalah. Even in Sufism. And it's used in modern-day pranic healing. But it's first mentioned in the Upanishads, laid out by Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras.

The chakra theory. It is psychology that is based on physiology and encompasses spirituality.
The seven basic energy centers in our bodies, the chakras—the base of the spine, the abdomen, the solar plexus, the heart, up to the throat, the third eye, the crown—correlate not only to levels of consciousness but also to archetypes and personality dimensions that shape everything from our fundamental values and beliefs to fears, desires, motivations, habits and day-to-day behavior. From the physical and the emotional, through the social and the creative, right up to the universal.

Seven overriding themes: survival; pleasure; power; love; creativity; transcendence; surrender.

Seven orientations to the self: self-preservation; self-gratification; self-definition; self-acceptance; self-expression; self-reflection; self-knowledge.

Seven rights that preoccupy us: the right to be here; the right to feel and want; the right to act; the right to love and be loved; the right to speak and be heard; the right to see; the right to know.

The simple theory is that even though every person experiences all of these energy centers to some degree, certain chakras will tend to be more dominant for some than for others. So a more artistic person may have the fourth chakra emphasized, an intellectual or innovator and visionary may have the fifth chakra emphasized, a power-seeker may have the third chakra dominant, and so on.

Since the chakras are about understanding yourself, your strengths, your problems, finding balances and solutions, and realizing your potential, and since we have always looked at brands as people, why not use the chakra system to look at brands?

After all, with every brand struggling in different ways, and old rules getting rewritten every other day, marketers are, more than ever before, looking for new tools to approach brands.Besides, India has always followed Western ways of thinking on brands. At a time when the Indian way is finding its voice in all spheres, it's time the advertising, market research and brand management fraternity dug into Indian philosophy and psychology, and tapped into uniquely Indian approaches to holistic brand health.

So, what is your brand's dominating chakra?Is it a Muladhara brand? Does it enhance the will to live, offer energy, fearlessness, stability, freedom from drudgery, bring abundance and physical strength, and support the urge to survive? Or is it a Swaddisthana, catering to anxiety about attractiveness, need for escape, adding positivism, magnetism, joy of living, and partnering in the pursuit of pleasure? A Manipura? Does it reflect courage, self-esteem, persistence, leadership, goodwill and right actions, or is it compensating for a lack of self-confidence and empowerment? Perhaps it's an Anahata brand, bringing harmony, calmness, generosity, grace, cooperation, unconditional love. Or is your brand all about higher creativity, the embodiment of Vishuddha, the search for truth, clear thinking, accuracy and perceptiveness and artistic expression? Or, if it's higher up in the great Indian spiral, it could be Ajna, in the territory of active intelligence, wisdom, willpower, the ability to direct. Or is it Sahasara, enlightenment, wholeness, positive transformation, inner peace, enthusiasm and fulfillment?

But beyond that, can we build our brands’ essences by defining its every chakra, its total chakra profile? What does your brand's heart say? Its throat, its third eye? What is your brand’s idea of pleasure and sexuality? What is its view of spirituality? Given the rumblings today that brands need not stand for just one thing, but perhaps can be multi faceted… given that the Indian way has always advised balance, the chakra system can actually allow brand teams to delve deeper and define the brand much more holistically, going on to help design brand conversations at different levels. Since chakras are about “aura” and “energy” and so are brands, is there something to learn there?What is your brand's chakra reading according to your core users or your lapsed users? Is it what you want it to be? What about your target group? What are their driving life themes? Which chakra are they in? Are they balanced or deficient or excessive? How can you correct your brand's chakras—which dimension should you strengthen or lighten—to answer your target group's needs best and play a better role in their lives? Are there life themes that your brand is not satisfying and therefore new product and portfolio opportunities?

Unlike conventional tools, which are largely diagnostic, the chakra system is analytical and prescriptive, and can enable brands to chart out actionable paths. It's a system that could potentially offer a far more cohesive, integrated solution, so that marketers will not have to look at different and disparate pieces of research—leaving us with a lot of information, sometimes in silos, which we often cannot fuse and use.A single system of analysis that can be applied to target types, need states, brand essence, holistic brand profiling, even societal trends. A system of analysis we could use to map India as a whole. Are power definitions and pleasure points and love expressions changing? Going further, how does the pursuit of pleasure in India compare with the pursuit of pleasure in China? If you are in eight countries, how does the chakra reading of your target group and brand vary from market to market? How do brands in different categories operate in a particular chakra? How do people in different chakra states connect with brands?

So fundamental. So Indian. So universal. So all-encompassing.Like only an Indian idea can be.